ONE TWO THREE HUMOROUS LINERS

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Category: ONE TWO THREE Humorous Liners

Published on Saturday, 01 January 2011 00:00

Written by erly

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ONE  TWO  THREE  Humorous Liners
are single, double and triple sentence quotes, jokes, comments or sayings
that are usually hilariously funny, trite or obvious.

Writers should be read; but neither seen nor heard.
Daphne Du Maurier

Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.
Vince Lombardi

When you are down and out something usually turns up;
and it is usually the noses of your friends.
Orson Welles

We must believe in luck, for how else can we explain
the successes of those we don’t like.
Jean Cocteau

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.
Thomas Szasz

There’s no business like show business.
Irving Berlin

There is no such thing as the pursuit of happiness,
but there is the discovery of joy.
Joyce Grenfell

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.
Anonymous

The noblest of all dogs is the hot dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.
Laurence J. Peter

The only way to enjoy anything in this life is to earn it first.
Ginger Rogers

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds;
and the pessimist fears this is true.
James Branch Cabell

The tragedy of being famous is
that you have to devote so much time to being famous.
Pablo Picasso

The customer is always right.
H. Gordon Selfridge

The bigger they come, the harder they fall.
Robert Fitzsimmons

Survival of the fittest.
Herbert Spencer

Solitude is un-American.
Erica Jong

Several excuses are always less convincing than one.
Aldous Huxley

Popular music is popular because a lot of people like it.
Irving Berlin

Oh, East is East and West is West, and never the twain shall meet.
Rudyard Kipling

Memory is more indelible than ink.
Anita Loos

Love is a many splendored thing.
Han Suyin

Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.
Anthony Burgess

Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut.
John Steinbeck

Journalists say a thing they know isn’t true, in the hope that
if they keep on saying it long enough it will be true.
Arnold Bennett

It’s all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back.
Mick Jagger

It ain’t over til its over.
Yogi Berra

It is better to win the Peace and to lose the war.
Bob Marley

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing,
but I couldn’t give it up, because by that time I was too famous.
Robert Benchley

It usually takes me more that three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Mark Twain

I’m not afraid to die; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen

If one cannot invent a really convincing lie, it is better to stick to t he truth.
Angela Thirkell

I have been poor and I have been rich; rich is better.
Sophie Tucker

I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.
George Bernard Shaw

I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.
Nathan Hale

I think that I will never see a poem lovely as a tree.
Joyce Kilmer

I don’t know anything about music; in my line you don’t have to.
Elvis Presley

Human creatures have a marvelous power of adapting to necessity.
George Gissing

Humour is practically the only thing about which the English are utterly serious.
Malcolm Muggeridge

I am the greatest.
Muhammad Ali

Float like a Butterfly, Sting like a Bee!
Muhammad Ali

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

Habit is second nature.
Eliza Lee Follen

Fear always spring from ignorance.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Experience is the name every man gives his mistakes.
Elbert Hubbard

Even if we can’t be happy, we must always be cheerful.
Irving Kristol

Every film should have a beginning, a middle, and an end;
but not necessarily in that order.
Jean-Luc Godard

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Peter Ustinov

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
Milton Berle

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin

Believe me, of all the people in the world,
those who want the most are those who have the most.
David Grayson

Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
George Bernard Shaw

Art is power.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Anyone can get old; all you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx

‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Alfred, Lord Tennyson

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don’t need it.
Bob Hope

A bore is a fellow who talks when you wish him to listen.
Ambrose Bierce

All that democracy means is as equal a participation in rights as is practicable.
James Fenimore Cooper

A comedian does funny things; a good comedian does things funny.
Buster Keaton

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Oscar Wilde

A folk singer is someone who sings through his nose by ear.
Anonymous

A horse is dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle.

Ian Fleming

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

If at first you don't succeed, try something else.

If you want to get along, go along.

Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

Excuses are like bodies, everybody has one!

I’d like my life back.
Tony Hayward

I’d sooner live my life as if there is a GOD, than not.
Blaise Pascal

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Jack Benny

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle

Always do whatever's next.
George Carlin